I thought maybe when we went from no kids to one kid that I might go crazy. And not the fun kind of crazy. The crazy kind of crazy. But I never did. It was actually kind of surprising considering my tendency towards sadness. The first few months were exhausting only because I made them that way, not my newborn. I stressed over all the little squeaks, grunts, and sighs she would make, the number of wet diapers, how much time passed between feedings, whether or not she was breathing all night, you name it I stressed about it but I never fell into the new mommy depression I had expected. I've had bad days here and there but all it all it was a fun adventure having my first baby.
Then I thought for sure I would go nuts when we went from one kid to two. Surely the chaos would drive me insane. Everyone told me the transition from one to two is really difficult (I hear it's nothing like going from two to three but I don't think I'll ever find that one out for myself, thank you very much.) I was honestly expecting days or weeks of uncontrollable crying from all three of us girls in the house. It never happened. Ever. Not even just a little bit. In fact, when we became a family of four it kind of felt like we had always been that way. It was something to be excited about and definitely not something to freak out about. Everything felt so peaceful. I did lose sleep over it but only because baby number two seemed to think the nights were days and days were nights. That's sleep worth losing if you ask me because looking back, those late night snuggles and walks around the house with a teensy little swaddled baby are way too short. And for some reason I never felt like I had been up all night. The newborn phase never really phased me this time. What an amazing blessing.
I was thinking the other day about how I was never really a 'kid person' growing up. I was never comfortable with kids and never knew what to do or how to act around them. I rarely babysat and I never liked holding babies. I even considered not having kids. And if I did have kids I thought for sure I wouldn't love being a mom. Imagine my surprise when I fell fiercely in love with our first baby from the moment I found out I was expecting. And when she came, so did my motherly instinct. Everything came so naturally to me - I couldn't believe it. I'm not even kidding. I loved her so much! And then I wondered how I could possibly love another baby as much as my first. Dividing your love? How is that even possible? I learned when our second baby arrived that a mom doesn't have to divide her love between her children - it exponentially multiplies. I felt that same fierce love for our second. And I have since realized that I love being a mother. I really really do. I enjoy it like I never thought I would.
It was the most pleasant surprise.
Then I thought for sure I would go nuts when we went from one kid to two. Surely the chaos would drive me insane. Everyone told me the transition from one to two is really difficult (I hear it's nothing like going from two to three but I don't think I'll ever find that one out for myself, thank you very much.) I was honestly expecting days or weeks of uncontrollable crying from all three of us girls in the house. It never happened. Ever. Not even just a little bit. In fact, when we became a family of four it kind of felt like we had always been that way. It was something to be excited about and definitely not something to freak out about. Everything felt so peaceful. I did lose sleep over it but only because baby number two seemed to think the nights were days and days were nights. That's sleep worth losing if you ask me because looking back, those late night snuggles and walks around the house with a teensy little swaddled baby are way too short. And for some reason I never felt like I had been up all night. The newborn phase never really phased me this time. What an amazing blessing.
I was thinking the other day about how I was never really a 'kid person' growing up. I was never comfortable with kids and never knew what to do or how to act around them. I rarely babysat and I never liked holding babies. I even considered not having kids. And if I did have kids I thought for sure I wouldn't love being a mom. Imagine my surprise when I fell fiercely in love with our first baby from the moment I found out I was expecting. And when she came, so did my motherly instinct. Everything came so naturally to me - I couldn't believe it. I'm not even kidding. I loved her so much! And then I wondered how I could possibly love another baby as much as my first. Dividing your love? How is that even possible? I learned when our second baby arrived that a mom doesn't have to divide her love between her children - it exponentially multiplies. I felt that same fierce love for our second. And I have since realized that I love being a mother. I really really do. I enjoy it like I never thought I would.
It was the most pleasant surprise.
3 comments:
AMEN AMEN AMEN!!!! Seriously, I so relate. I remember having this deep fear of resenting my child because of loss of freedom. I was so wrong. As with you, right when I got pregnant, I KNEW that is what I wanted. Motherhood is truly the most remarkable and amazing surprise of my life!!! LOVE YOU MAX
We really are related. I can relate to your trepidation and propensity to sadness.But you are an excellent mom and an amazing person, and I love ya! Thanks for sharing.
-M
Great comment. I was totally unprepared for how I felt when Chloe was first born (and for a few months after that). I did resent her and Trevor too. I thought I'd made a big mistake having a baby. Then I felt guilty b/c women aren't supposed to feel that way. Thankfully those feelings went away. My huge adjustment was definitely from 0-1 kid. I felt like my world was flipped upside down. 1-2 hasn't been nearly as hard as I thought. I've got the mom thing down. And it definitely feels like Scarlett's just always been here. I'd say that for the mostpart I love motherhood. I always love my kids, but I don't always love motherhood. Does that make sense?
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